The story scarcely pass'd a single lip-The sack and sea had settled all in time, From which the secret nobody could rip:
The Public knew no more than does this rhyme;
No scandals made the daily press a curse-Morals were better, and the fish no worse.
He saw with his own eyes the moon was round, Was also certain that the earth was square, Because he had journey'd fifty miles, and found No sign that it was circular anywhere;
His empire also was without a bound:
'T is true, a little troubled here and there, By rebel pachas, and encroaching giaours, But then they never came to 'the Seven Towers;'
Except in shape of envoys, who were sent To lodge there when a war broke out, according To the true law of nations, which ne'er meant Those scoundrels, who have never had a sword in Their dirty diplomatic hands, to vent Their spleen in making strife, and safely wording Their lies, yclep'd despatches, without risk or The singeing of a single inky whisker.
He had fifty daughters and four dozen sons, Of whom all such as came of age were stow'd, The former in a palace, where like nuns They lived till some Bashaw was sent abroad, When she, whose turn it was, was wed at once, Sometimes at six years old- though it seems odd, 'T is true; the reason is, that the Bashaw Must make a present to his sire in law.
His sons were kept in prison, till they grew Of years to fill a bowstring or the throne, One or the other, but which of the two Could yet be known unto the fates alone;
Meantime the education they went through Was princely, as the proofs have always shown:
So that the heir apparent still was found No less deserving to be hang'd than crown'd.
His majesty saluted his fourth spouse With all the ceremonies of his rank, Who clear'd her sparkling eyes and smooth'd her brows, As suits a matron who has play'd a prank;
These must seem doubly mindful of their vows, To save the credit of their breaking bank:
To no men are such cordial greetings given As those whose wives have made them fit for heaven.
His Highness cast around his great black eyes, And looking, as he always look'd, perceived Juan amongst the damsels in disguise, At which he seem'd no whit surprised nor grieved, But just remark'd with air sedate and wise, While still a fluttering sigh Gulbeyaz heaved, 'I see you 've bought another girl; 't is pity That a mere Christian should be half so pretty.'
This compliment, which drew all eyes upon The new-bought virgin, made her blush and shake.
Her comrades, also, thought themselves undone:
Oh! Mahomet! that his majesty should take Such notice of a giaour, while scarce to one Of them his lips imperial ever spake!
There was a general whisper, toss, and wriggle, But etiquette forbade them all to giggle.
The Turks do well to shut- at least, sometimes-The women up, because, in sad reality, Their chastity in these unhappy climes Is not a thing of that astringent quality Which in the North prevents precocious crimes, And makes our snow less pure than our morality;
The sun, which yearly melts the polar ice, Has quite the contrary effect on vice.
Thus in the East they are extremely strict, And Wedlock and a Padlock mean the same;
Excepting only when the former 's pick'd It ne'er can be replaced in proper frame;
Spoilt, as a pipe of claret is when prick'd:
But then their own Polygamy 's to blame;
Why don't they knead two virtuous souls for life Into that moral centaur, man and wife?
Thus far our chronicle; and now we pause, Though not for want of matter; but 't is time According to the ancient epic laws, To slacken sail, and anchor with our rhyme.
Let this fifth canto meet with due applause, The sixth shall have a touch of the sublime;
Meanwhile, as Homer sometimes sleeps, perhaps You 'll pardon to my muse a few short naps.